Stressed ravings of a crabby student

I a big ball of crabby right now. Fortunately (!) I got up early this morning and went rollerblading on the Burke Gilman trail out toward Golden Gardens. It was wonderful! I haven't been able to do that in weeks. It's either been too windy or too wet. I can see the trail from our balcony and I know the level of shine the asphalt gets that's no longer acceptable for skating. Way too slippery!

I was out for about an hour and I even left my sunglasses at home on purpose. I hear that you get the best dose of vitamin D if the sun gets in your eyes without being blocked by shades. I mean, not IN your eyes in a blinding way. I turned my face up as often as I could. I felt like a flower.

Then - grrrrr - I had to sit in a dark classroom from 1 to 5 and stare at a computer monitor for the most boring, dry, useless class EVER. I liked it last week when we interacted but today was sooooooo dull. We went through a power point presentation in 4 hours that I could have read in one. I was falling asleep but am past my caffeine cut off time and now I have a headache from the florescent lights. WAH! Now I'm just complaining. At least I got a certificate to add to my collection. I just have my eye on the goal - a job with a big paycheck. Anything at this point is a big paycheck. I figured my hourly pay on unemployment is lower than I used to bring home 10 years ago as a barista with tips. If I can't find a job when my benefits run out I know I can fall back on that. I'll be a barista with mad word skills.

What I hate more than anything when I'm driving is stop and go stop and go, especially with a clutch. I had to pick up something in Fremont and it took everything I had not to lay on the horn. I only stopped myself because I knew the red lights wouldn't change for me. hahaha. I just wanted to roar out a big AAAAARGH! That's why I've been a bicycle commuter for the past 3 years. I'd rather get dumped on and be cold than sit in stop and go traffic.

So now I'm home and I'm going to sit and relax aaaaaand do more homework. Oh and housework? My parents are coming over for lunch tomorrow and I haven't vacuumed since I started school (in January. ohmygod). I have to do dishes because every single piece of silverware is dirty and we only have 1 clean pan and a couple of dishes left. You should see the kitchen - it's horrible. I'm just going to absentmindedly apologize for my mess with an excuse of being busy or something. I don't have time to clean.

Now where did I put that bottle of wine...?

Crochet blanket inspiration

I want to crochet a colorful rainbow blanket and came across a few ideas. Here are some that have inspired me.

A stripe blanket.

An updated granny square blanket.

I love the bright colors and different sized squares on this one.

Look at all these crazy colors! I love it!

I also kind of like this honeycomb style.

I need to find a crochet book that explains how to make lacy granny squares. This blog post was what got me thinking I'd like to try making a blanket in the first place.

I draw with a marker

Someone recently asked me why I only draw with a pen (a Sharpie usually). I'd never answered that before and no reason has ever formed into anything concrete. I just do. Do you ever hear your words coming from somewhere in your heart before you can answer with your brain? That happened to me. I learned why I do it and it's a durn tootin' good reason!

If I draw with a pencil it gives me the chance to erase what I don't like and I'll wear that eraser down to nothing before I ever draw anything. It will never be "good enough." When I draw with a Sharpie I have to work with my mistakes. It seems like backwards reasoning, but I feel less tentative about drawing with a pen. I know there will be something I don't like, or a stray line, but I don't have the pressure of needing to fix it or make it JUST RIGHT. It was nice to realize that.

Sometimes what ends up on the paper is nothing like what I thought I was going to draw. Going with it changes my creative thinking into a way I wasn't expecting. I think it helps my mind be less rigid and sometimes I like what comes out! I'll see something on the paper I would not have otherwise.

This is where I get all philosophical and roll my eyes at myself, but I have to point out this comparison. I think it helps me deal with life. I have to take what I have and turn it into something that works for me and make the best of it. There have been plenty of times I've been upset about the way something turns out only to realize later that something even better came out of it. That ALWAYS seems to happen. (Recently I was upset about not getting a job I was SURE I'd get. Because that didn't happen, I now have the opportunity to go to school and get BETTER jobs. Suckers!)

Drawing with a Sharpie is my reminder to myself that there is no such thing as perfect. And really, there's no need to be upset when something doesn't go my way.

Office/craft room inspiration

I'm getting fed up with how my side of the office looks. It's messy and unorganized and not at all how I want it to look. I'm collecting inspirational photos and websites and to more easily keep them in one place I'm going to keep them here. First up, is this one.

Paper Owl Mobile

Look what I found! This is an inspiring website full of things I'd like to make. First off, I think I need an owl mobile! The other day I bought some poster board with gold on one side and silver on the other just because I loved it. I think I've found its purpose.

Made by Joel: Paper Owl Mobile

I think I'm being followed

I'm not saying I'm any kind of trendsetter because it can't possibly be true that people are looking at me for inspiration. How much of a coincidence is it that I find myself liking certain things then suddenly I see it everywhere? Am I just subconsciously picking up on trends in the early days and liking it because it's different and something I haven't yet seen? Then it explodes and EVERYONE likes it and I assume people are copying me? That's more likely. Whatever it is, it keeps happening! (And I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this.) I think I should start paying attention and flood my wardrobe with things I love before they get too popular.

Part of me is excited when I finally see something I like in the stores but then I quickly become annoyed that I look like everyone else. I don't want to be trendy. It seems to me that people keep taking my unique finds and making it the thing.

I have a thing for owls, especially the 1970s style figurines. I scour thrift stores but never quite find what I'm looking for. At a garage sale a couple years ago I bought a figurine of 3 owls. Not quite from the 70s but it's a stylized soapstone carving from the Eskimo village of Nuvuk Canada. After I bought a little Mexican black pottery owl I started seeing owls everywhere. Home decor, clothing, journals... I still like owls but it annoys me that everyone else does too. I think it's a fading trend.

Recently I found myself oddly attracted to pink. I like wearing that "feminine" color because I often feel like an outdoorsy tomboy and I like the juxtaposition. I think it's surprising to see me wear it. Well, look what I saw today. Apparently Pantone calls it honeysuckle and it matches the pink nail polish I'm wearing in my efforts to be unique.

You know what else I like? Sparkles! and Glitter! and Iridescent Colors! especially in nail polish. That's a little harder to find... Or so I thought. I guess I know what I'll be seeing all over the place.

I'm just going to say right here that I bet we'll be seeing a lot of gold lamé soon because I've been having an inexplicable urge to wear that tacky stuff.

Hey you!

Does it feel weird to anyone else to address envelopes to your parents using their first names? Using "mom and dad Haley" doesn't feel quite right either. I ended up addressing the envelope to M & J Haley. I'm on a bit of a kick calling people by the letter of their first name right now, so that's what felt most right.

This would be solved if I could send them an email instead, but they are not Internetting people. That's ok. Sometimes I just want to sit down and write a letter anyhow.