Sunday, December 28, 2008

Bored, Frustrated, and Blue

I just posted a tweet: "Can I have the after-holiday blues when I wasn't even looking forward to xmas? I'm crabby there's nothing to look forward to being over."

I need more room to elaborate because I still don't feel better after getting that out. I don't want to do anything and nothing sounds good. I have chores that I don't want to do, even when most of the time I can tolerate them. This time it's even things I enjoy - painting the walls, picking up fallen apples, organizing the closet, making the bed. I know if I don't do them I'll feel even worse tomorrow when I'm back to work after 4 days off. I'll be wishing I could be home doing house work.

Maybe I'm upset about life getting back to normal, even though I've hated this past month. Work will slow down and I'll get caught up again, and that's good right? But it's the same thing as always. The week of snow we had is over and that means no more working from home, away from the ringing phone and whiny customers. Life is going back to just plain ol' life. There are no more distractions keeping me from focusing on the things I don't like and need to change.

I got a Christmas card from a family whose little girl I took care of as a nanny. I watched her until she was 6 months old and now she's 7. I did that job so I could get away from the office and figure out what I wanted to do. Now I'm back in the office, still trying to figure out what I want to do and now that it's 7 years later I still have nothing to show for it. Personally, I'm where I want to be. I've found and married my best match and feel like I won the lottery. My personal life is the most important thing in keeping me happy and I know it's not the only thing I need. Where am I professionally? Creatively? Seven years later, I'm working in customer service. I have a college degree and editing skills that I would love to put to good use. Customer Service. Nothing like writing that out for an ego boost. I never wanted to be the 30-something lady with no direction, working in a job meant for college students, with a younger, more driven boss. That's why he's the boss.

There are parts of the job I like, yet there are more parts I don't like. Where can I find the job where I can write instructions, do research, find answers, put two and two together to fill in the missing information, be an expert in my field, be resp
ected, and never be yelled at by the general public? And General Public, it's ok to be frustrated and upset, however never take that out on someone trying to do their job, probably not liking it, and wishing they could tell you exactly what they think of you. I don't have much faith in you, General Public.

So here I sit with a shortening day and that same long list of chores and bigger things looming. Can I sleep a long restful sleep to wake up and find it's all been taken care of? Why do you only get three impossible wishes in fairy tales and not in real life?

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