What are you proud of?

Sometimes when I'm feeling low and am not happy about the way I handle things, I like to think about what I've accomplished.

I am most proud of faking it until I believed it myself. Not THAT kind of faking it! ;) I am an introvert and once upon a time so shy that I would burst out crying if asked a question in elementary school. The thought of speaking out loud in FRONT of people horrified me. It’s taken 38 years, but gradually I have learned to break out of my shell. It still feels fake sometimes and my back gets drenched with sweat, but I can talk to strangers in small groups and smile, and actually enjoy it now. A little. I am married to a gregarious extrovert and at parties I try to keep up with him (at my own pace of course) and I can do it! Maybe everyone outgrows painful shyness and this is nothing unique. Either way, I am proud of myself because I never thought it would be possible to do anything other than hide in the corners.

Does this scowl make me look gay?

I love short hair. I mean super short hair. It's easy to care for, easy to color, and works under a bike helmet. It doesn't use much shampoo and doesn't actually NEED to be washed often.

I've seen a bunch of cute actresses lately with really short hair under the headlines of such words as Gamine, Feminine, Sophisticated. I know I'm not going to look like them with their same hair cut but I always find myself telling my stylist "yes! perfect! go shorter!"

Once I leave the magical lighting of the salon and see myself at home, out from under the cape, I find myself like this:



It's a good cut and my stylist did exactly what I asked her to do. I just have to remember that I don't have a feminine or delicate face so a super short 'do like this isn't going to make people call me a gamine. More like butch. Not that there's anything wrong with that! How much make-up I wear is directly related to how short my hair is, and I'm wearing WAY TOO LITTLE make-up here. Excuse me while I got put on some lipstick.

I am us, we are me

Here's a little something from Free Will Astrology that I saved from a few years ago. This always makes me feel peaceful and connected.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The water you drink is three billion years old, give

or take five million years. The stuff your body is made of is at least ten

billion years old, probably older, and has been as far away as 100,000

light years from where it is right now. The air you breathe has, in the

course of its travels, been literally everywhere on the planet, and has

slipped in and out of the lungs of almost every human being who has ever

lived. There's much more evidence I could offer to prove to you that

you're an infinite and eternal creature, Leo, but suffice it to say that

you're much greater and older and bigger and wilder and freer than you

have ever imagined. The experiences you'll soon have will give you a

deeply felt sense of how true that is.

Tea time!

I used to run a tea factory in my backyard in the fall. I'd pick the fallen leaves selecting only the finest for tea and put them in my wagon collecting bin. Then I'd fill it with water and let it sit for a few days going out to stir it. As the leaves brewed I'd add special herbs and and sprinkles in the form of grass clippings and rocks. My tea had the most delicious earthy scent, which is still one of my favorite scent memories from fall. I love smelling that each year right around now. Wet Seattle is the perfect place to smell that fall tea.

Hurry up, white guy

I was waiting for the red hand to change to the white guy allowing me to cross the street. I had pushed the cross button several times and since this cross walk is not at an intersection, it is on a schedule of changing when certain unreachable conditions are met. It takes forever. I stood there for a while before the white guy finally appeared.

I thought it was funny that another woman joined me wanting to cross and the stars aligned allowing the light to change seconds after SHE pushed the button. On the whole walk across the street and back home I was thinking that she thought I was stupidly standing there waiting for the light to magically change and all I had to do was push that little button. See what happens when the button is pushed? It changes!

Then I smirked to myself - how silly it was that I was thinking that. And who cares if that's what she thought? Right? But you know I totally cared.

Play things

My cat goes nuts for my ear buds. As soon as I put them down he comes out of nowhere wanting to bite and bat them. I think he likes the texture but I wouldn't be surprised if he likes the taste too.

Politics and Semantics

I am going through my old myspace account before deleting it and I thought I'd post some of what I wrote over there to this blog in order to consolidate. This was from March 22, 2007.

A week ago I saw a sign on the library door that read:

ALL LIBRARIES
WILL BE CLOSED
DUE TO HISTORIC
LOW USAGE

SUNDAY, APRIL 8
(EASTER)

At first I had to reread it because upon my original scan I thought it said that libraries will be closed on "historic low usage day." Since I had never heard of that day I knew it wasn't a holiday. Then my second thought was that it had something to do with electricity (low usage/low wattage), which is odd that I didn't automatically assume it meant low library patronage. Those thoughts rushed through my mind so quickly that I realized neither was the case almost as fast as I wondered it.

I'm fascinated by the wording on this sign. The note is saying that the library will be closed on Easter, but why didn't they just leave it at that. "All libraries will be closed on Easter, Sunday April 8." Why the explanation that on Easter, not many people visit the library system? Is the city-run library system distancing themselves from a Christian holiday by saying that BECAUSE people won't be using the library (as history dictates) they won't be open? That day just HAPPENS to be Easter, a Christian holiday? As if they could just as easily choose any other day to be closed that's not historically well attended? Is Easter the real reason the library will be closed, but they can't say they are closing for a religious holiday? If the library admitted to be closed in observance of a Christian holiday could they be sued for not also observing a Muslim holiday, for example?

I thought about all these questions on the drive back home and for the past week and still haven't decided what reason is most likely true. Any of them could be. All of them could be. Now I'm back to being impressed by the wording. It is briefly perfect and fully educational. I can't think of a better way to say all that information. "Not many people come to the library on Easter, which is Sunday April 8 this year, so the library won't be open." Too wordy. "We are not saying we are or are not celebrating Easter, but we won't be open because in the past people generally don't visit the library." That obviously won't do.

Any shorter way I think to write this leaves out a vital bit of information. "The library will be closed on April 8 due to low attendance" - WHY? What's going on April 8? "The library will be closed on Easter" - When is Easter? As already mentioned, are they celebrating a Christian holiday?

Good job, Seattle Public Library. I wonder how many other people are as impressed with this sign as I am. Other grammar nerds, no doubt.